A Heart Surrendered to Christ

I have been going to church since I can remember. We went to a bible camp for a week one summer and we asked Jesus into our hearts and were all baptized in the river. It was awesome. They told us to pray and seek God and read the bible. Hmm, ok so I received a bible. I read it all the time but I didn't change. What was I missing? So when I was 10, in grade 5 I received a Giddeons bible. Said the sinners pray that was in it and nothing!! I coasted through life and bad things happened that I couldn't understand.I felt unworthy and unloved. I was told that I wasn't wanted and the only people that loved me or wanted me were men that abused me in various ways. So I left home the first time trying to find my niche in life because life at home wasn't working. I joined the exhibition or a fair that traveled from place to place and became sexually promiscuous in exchange for a place to live and help to feed me. When I didn't find what I was looking for here I returned to my parents. I got married at a very young age thinking that finally someone would love me unconditionally and accept me, boy was I ever wrong. So I moved onto another relationship. During my second marriage and third relationship the Lord started wooing me. I started searching with a desire for completion. I started studying and reading the bible fervently, knowing that the answer was between these pages but not sure where to find it. Back to church I go with my fractured family. After being physically hurt my life came to a point of decision. He would need to give his heart to the Lord or we were finished! I thought that it was his fault that our marriage and life was so bad. I even prayed and asked the Lord to fix him. What a laugh that was I felt with in my mind that I was the one that needed to be fixed,surrender was the thought. My point of decision actually came during a prayer meeting. I was sitting there praying and just soaking in what we were praying about and this vision of Christ on the cross came before me. The vision so humbled me to the point that I was having a hard time breathing and started crying. The thought at that time was my sin put Jesus on the cross. With this vivid picture of what it cost Jesus I asked but what was my sin? Pride,rebellion, selfishness, self-centeredness, lying,sexual sins are the things put Jesus on that cross, plus so many more. Then I remembered an old testament story about the scape goat and how they sacrificed an unblemished lamb and put the sins upon the goat and put it outside the walls of the city. Jesus was crucified outside the walls of the city and MY SINS were placed upon HIM! He didn't deserve it I DID!  He is full of grace and mercy and is so very forgiving. I still struggle with things daily and am learning to live the surrendered life. I have great difficulties with relationships whether it's with my husband, children or coworkers, even withThe Lord but day by day He is doing the work as I surrender to Him.
Thank you for this study, He is working mightily through it.

At The Well

As I read Renee's story about her house needing repair and then Sam's story I started thinking. What is there that the Lord needs to repair in my heart. The first thing that caught my heart stings about Sam was the loneliness then the second was rejection. My eyes teared up and I thought hmm rejection that truly is a part of my heart, a big part of my heart that somehow has a hard time with. Where did the rejection come from? Broken promises, promises from a father that said he would love you forever then he sexually molests you, a mother that says she loves you but is unable to help you get past the hurt, defilement, insecurity and so many other feelings that comes with this. Then the broken promises of broken marriages,comparing yourself to others. My daughters say that sometimes I'm so emotional they have a hard time understanding where it all comes from. My oldest is a follower of Christ's and has a very close relationship with Him. Praise Him because I do know she prays for me. Yes in my head I know that when I asked Jesus to become my Savior he changed me from the person I was to a new creature the old has past away. However, in my heart I still have doubts about His love and acceptance. Not because of who I am but because of who He is will  I be set free from these terrible doubts the attack my security in Jesus. So yes I can relate to Sam and how much she wanted and needed Jesus. I want Him and need Him to be my everything and am embracing his healing/repairing of my heart. Then I can truly say with confidence that "I am a daughter of the Most High"

Excited Newbie

Hi,
 I'm excited to be doing this study. It has been on my heart to this book A Confident Heart since first seeing it advertised on the Proverbs31 web site. The Lord has pressed upon me that this is an important part of my growth. As I first started reading it there are so many things that were pointed out to me that need to be healed. I'm looking forward to this study to finally put these things into the Lords hands and to walk ever so closer to Him.
Thank you.